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27 February 2012
Caitlin’s Body, Inc.
ATTN: Monsieur L’estomac
New York, NY
To Whom It May Concern:
This mutinous state I’ve found you in the past 4 days upon waking up in the morning (and even some hours prior to the dreaded alarm clock) is unacceptable. I must request that you please just “play nice” until I can go see my doctor. Until then, in an effort to appease you and strike what I find to be a relatively one-sided compromise, I promise to feed you all of the TUMS and other antacids you want, to avoid coffee, and to eschew consuming anything else I may find delicious or otherwise enjoyable. Your immediate action is requested.